if this is a dream, i wanna wake up from it...... soon. etchedin her mind @ 12:30 PM
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bff and i met up for dinner just now and ate to our hearts' content :) we had peking duck and 3 other dishes ('si ji dou', tofu and corn soup) at asia grand restaurant. both of us finished most of the food and tabao-ed some of the crispy noodle with duck meat. i was so full that i had to fag la! i crashed shortly after reaching home... and woke up about an hour ago, still feeling full from dinner :/
what does it mean when you were supposed to meet someone but you didn't reply someone's text message and despite so, someone didn't even call you? it is obvious that spells bochup-ness right? :/ i guess i must be wrong (again) because i thought things ought to get better after what he told me last night.
no hopes; no expectations. time will tell.
just got back home from breakfast delivery. hopefully his breakfast doesn't get removed from its spot. *keeping my fingers crossed*
i am going back to sleep now. it shouldn't be too difficult since i just ate (yes again!) garlic bread! *looks at her bulging tummy*
note to self: don't stay out past 2am when the next day is a working day! i was so tired at work today that i could hardly concentrate. hopefully i didn't make any mistakes for EOD checks. well we'll know in a bit... :/ etchedin her mind @ 3:36 AM
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Saturday, November 07, 2009
blogging from karspa.
amid all that is happening, there are moments of peace within me :)
like today, i realize that i actually do love my brother and in fact, i really love him alot. perhaps this feeling has been around all the time though there were times he was a total asswipe and i wished he was never part of my life. somewhat glad that it surfaced today :)
even though life does not turn out to be the way we hope it will be most of the time, like my pathetic new relationship, there are other things to rejoice about. great family and friends :) etchedin her mind @ 5:26 PM
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Thursday, November 05, 2009
dear "pushie",
i guess it was a mistake from the start.
i realize that people don't necessarily cry when they are sad. i cried last night because i felt indignant for all that has happened, over you who was really mean to me.
i always think that people will only vent their anger at people close to them, those dear and near. well i have my fair share of angst at home with my mum and my brother and vice versa. i don't think i'm someone that close to you (yet) but i get such unacceptable nonsense, it just goes to show how insignificant i am to you, to let you trample all over me and my pride.
i may have done you wrong in the past, but i don't think i ever raised my voice at you then.
when 2 people like each other, things should be simple yet spontaneous. it shouldn't take much effort to text or call right? i'm tired of being embroiled in the mind games you play and your non-chalance. is it that hard to be nice?
how you have been mistreating me does say alot about how you feel towards me :(
plans to dress up for halloween were cancelled in the end... looneys met up for ktv at SSC and afterwhich we went over to overeasy. it was an early night for me because i was too tired. i only had 3 hours of sleep the night before! :s
i always thought the 1st few months (at least) of every new relationship is supposed to be sweet and lovey dovey. surprisingly this isn't the case this time round. instead, i feel insignificant and very insecure... he is so bochup and i feel like the spare tyre whom he will meet only if his friends are not meeting him. amid all the shittiness, i still feel relatively okay... (but i doubt bff is gonna second that!) i guess it's the freedom and liberation that keeps me going. maybe it is my karma from what happened 5 years ago. well, we'll see... because he told me to give him time to adapt to this. (i secretly thought that was rather nice...)
super slack week for me. i'd better do something productive later :s etchedin her mind @ 6:47 PM
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Tuesday, October 27, 2009
my long weekend is over. as much as i dread going to work tomorrow, i kinda dread staying at home too with all the 'noise' caused by the renovation and my mum's naggings :( i wish i can be more understanding towards the latter but when i'm tired and all i want is some peace, it's abit... frustrating :x sighs. i'm such a terrible person.
my braces are finally removed this afternoon :) oh but i had such a hard time parking my car at NUH :s even the valet was full so i had to park somewhere far away and walk a distance to the dental centre. it caused me to be 20 minutes late for my dental appointment. TSK TSK TSK.
looking forward to angie's birthday celebration tomorrow :) etchedin her mind @ 11:04 PM
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Monday, October 26, 2009
note to self: CARPE DIEM :)
and be trigger happy :)
etchedin her mind @ 10:13 AM
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i used to want my sleep so badly and thought sleeping was such a luxury but nowadays, despite being deprived of sleep, i can't fall asleep. i figured it is the few minutes (sometimes even hours) before concussing that is unbearable. they say thoughts in your head hinder you from sleeping and i can't agree more. i can be out all day and come home really bushed. even so, i can't seem to sleep immediately or at least soon after. i think i need more asahi because beers make me sleepy.
due to the series of events which took place over the past weekend, i have, once again, lost sight of my priority. i took leave for the next 2 days and i told myself that i really have to catch up on my revision then... those leave days which i took over the past few months weren't well-spent in terms of productivity but this time round, i am not gonna let the same thing to happen again.
now that things have come to an end, albeit not in an amicable manner, i guess it's for the better. it will never be the same again, more so after all the nasty words blurted last night. i saved those text messages in my phone to remind myself that 'i'm not worth it'. can't help feeling alittle indignant for myself after everything which i have done for you, for us. i can only say, i've done my best, i have no regrets and i won't look back anymore.
someone, please put me to bed. i so need a hug too. etchedin her mind @ 3:39 AM
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Saturday, October 24, 2009
this is the final leap that i'm gonna take. if all else should fail, i will not hold on anymore.
**********
i finally caught '500 days of summer' last night. honestly it wasn't as good as i thought. wayne even fell asleep! i think it was the alcohol taking effect on him. so what we think about fate and destiny are probably just sheer coincidences... sounds so sad right? :(
plans tonight... dinner at grandma's place followed by mahjong :) etchedin her mind @ 6:17 PM
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Thursday, October 22, 2009
dark clouds cast a shadow over our hearts
i listen intently to the feelings that have long been silenced
distinct and clear, just like a beautiful landscape
that can only be clearly seen in one's memories
can a broken heart continue to love me?
i tried hard to hold (your) cold hands
the tenderness in the past is locked in time
all that's left is sadness that cannot be dispersed
longing is like maple leaves, slowly drifting down
i light a candle to warm this year-end's autumn
the aurora steals across the horizon
the north wind flits across the face that's thinking of you
ashes from my burning heart falls like leaves
but I can never regain (your) familiar face again
longing is like maple leaves, slowly drifting down
why must i try to recover all before winter arrives?
my love for you transcends all time
two streams of tears that were shed for the autumn's end
let the love flood through
i just want you by my side
can a broken heart continue to love me?
i tried hard to hold (your) cold hands
the tenderness in the past is locked in time
fearing that the maple leaves outside the window are already frozen
etchedin her mind @ 11:00 PM
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Wednesday, October 21, 2009
i used to dread questions on CFS. i have a tendency to memorize from this chapter, so after being away from it for quite a (long) while, i totally forgot what it is about, even the most fundamental difference between using direct and indirect method :/
i finally attempted on my refresher course for CFS and hopefully from now on, i'll be able to step up on my progress! :)
heading to bed. i'm so full from supper. i hope i won't have nightmares tonight! haha i won't mind dreaming of homebaked raspberry cake though... :)
*****************
today i met a friend and he was telling me about the raspberry cake he baked for his girlfriend of nearly a decade (just a few months short). he was grinning away as he was fiddling with his iphone and asking me if i had seen his cake! it looked burnt (think huge chocolate muffin) and he explained to me the step-by-step procedure. he certainly looked very pleased with the end product...
though i was suan-ing him away, i thought it was such a sweet gesture! can't remember the last time a guy cooked for me... i don't think anybody even baked for me before la! :s etchedin her mind @ 1:40 AM
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Sunday, October 18, 2009
super shaggggg - mj-ed till almost 5am, supper-ed till almost 6am, got home at 6.30am. we only played 1.5 rounds because everybody kept 'diao zhng-ing'. and... I LOST $70 TO ALL 3 OF THEM! faints.
i wish it is gonna be a lazy sunday but i doubt it's possible because i have SO MUCH to do... the leftover stuffs since the beginning of this week. sighs. i procrastinated too much :/
i haven't been to the movies for such a long time! there are so many shows which i wanna watch... BOO :/ etchedin her mind @ 11:58 AM
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Saturday, October 17, 2009
"we need not lead a perfect life to appreciate life."
i came across the above line and thought to myself, how true.
food tasting went well, except that i was fashionably late. the roads were jammed up throughout! it took 30 minutes to travel from ORQ to tanglin area! clover and i got into a not-worth-mentioning (very) minor accident and her left mirror cap is scratched... :/ i didn't handle the situation well - didn't take any photos, didn't take down the taxi's carplate and driver details etc. i can't even remember what colour his vehicle is! it was too dark for me to notice. maybe i was too frustrated to think straight.
next comes the hassle... reporting the accident in case if the bugger makes a claim on me though he caused the accident. he continued inching into the lane i was on despite my honking. TSK TSK TSK.
oh wells, when one's down in luck, one can expect everything to be yucky, in the worst case scenario. etchedin her mind @ 1:39 AM
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Friday, October 16, 2009
i realize being single means having to look after yourself, in every aspect. i guess i should be able to do that, but the thing i really need to learn is to stand up for myself.
something pretty nasty happened just now when i was heading home from work. on hindsight, i wish i had walked over to the side of the sicko and made him alittle uneasy, though at that very moment i wanted to smash his phone so that he will stop his unauthorized snapping! i thought i was being paranoid but later i was convinced i was right because of the sound made. sometimes it's hard to fathom what such people think because upon realizing that i had already noticed his weirdo action (because i turned and stared at him), he actually turned to another side. and after i turned back, he continued his snapping. tmd, it went on for several times! TSK TSK TSK.
oh wells, i guess tomorrow will be a better day! looking forward to food tasting at st regis in the evening with my mum, uncle, aunt, brother, his wife-to-be and his in-laws! :) etchedin her mind @ 12:37 AM
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Wednesday, October 14, 2009
you're with me till the bitter end what we had transcends this experience too painful to talk about so i'll hold it in till my heart can mend and be brave enough to love again
a place in time still belongs to us stays preserved in my mind in the memories, there is solace
never too far away i won't let time erase one bit of yesterday cause i have learned that nobody can take your place though we can never be, i'll keep you close to me when I remember
glittering lights, incandescent eyes still preserved in my mind in the memories, i'll find solace
never too far away i won't let time erase one bit of yesterday and i have learned that nobody can take your place though we can never be, i'll keep you close to me and i'll remember
a place in time still belongs to us stays preserved in my mind in the memories, there is solace
never too far away i won't let time erase one bit of yesterday cause i have learned that nobody can take your place and though we can never be, i'll always think of you and me
always remember...
love, you're never too far... etchedin her mind @ 10:34 PM
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Tuesday, October 13, 2009
convalesce.
life suddenly seems so exciting, filled with hope and focus.
this is why we let ourselves make the same mistakes over and over again. this is the thrill of the chase, except that often it's more of a loiter!
don't feed the monster. after a week or two, stop yourself from indulging conversations or from obtaining information. in time, your grief will fade on its own, provided you let it.
put some distance between you: like the atlantic ocean. pack your bags and go somewhere exotic; it's harder to be sad in the sunshine.
look after yourself. we're talking super pampering here, eat well, sleep well and begin to feel well, whether you eat your favourite food every night or you let your mates take you to places they'd never usually go just to cheer you up, go do it.
accept it: you can't move on if you still allow hopes of living happily ever after. you will get over it.
i will because i gotta... etchedin her mind @ 9:22 PM
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Sunday, October 11, 2009
since october 2009...
it has been a pretty difficult month so far. i feel a major change in my life is about to take place. work wise, personal life etc.
the new boss came into office and warned us about a likely 'R' throughout the department. we still don't know who will be the potential ones to be chopped, other than this particular team which will go through a major transition in the next few weeks. day in day out, work seems pretty much normal, at least for the team i'm in. but when it comes to department meetings, i can tell the department morale seems kinda low, with all sorts of depressing questions asked :(
i don't know if anybody in my team will be affected though we're supposedly safe (for now). even so, the possibility remains so long as the list is not out. not sure why but i haven't been doing much thinking... i guess there are just too many things in my mind.
on a happier note, i'm glad i'm almost done with purchasing stuffs for my room! namely, mattress, bed frame, toilet fixtures and lights! hmmm the remaining stuffs which i have to get are the toilet bowl and tv (most likely a samsung)... yesterday i spent almost 2 hours choosing toilet fixtures with the ID before going over to harvey norman and settled the bed stuffs :)
my uncle is sponsoring my bed and tv :) at first he gave me a budget of 2k for my bed stuffs but i ended up getting a sealy mattress which takes up almost the entire budget. i was gonna top up but he ended up writing me a fatter cheque. so unexpected.
what a great sunday. i slept and slept and slept... gonna pop over my grandma's place with my mum before hitting the books again. laters! etchedin her mind @ 5:46 PM
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Tuesday, September 29, 2009
合: 未来正在等待不是吗? 未来我想和你分享 etchedin her mind @ 11:43 PM
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Monday, September 28, 2009
happy moments pass in a flash, while unhappy moments are such a drag. isn't it? but in a way, i wish time will pass quickly... till then, i'll be counting down...
last week was a 3 day work week, this week is gonna be a 4 day work week and i'm 3 days away from my much needed long weekend. guilt hasn't caught up with me but stress certainly has. and believe it or not, since i got home today, i've been glued to the TV :/
lethargy has really caught up with me, physically, mentally and emotionally. etchedin her mind @ 9:07 PM
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in 32 hours' time... my braces should be removed... somewhat looking forward to it :) etchedin her mind @ 12:48 AM
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Saturday, September 26, 2009
launch party of ferrari california.
pardon the not-so-pretty photos - bad photographer, bad photography skills, bad camera. BOO~ the event was quite an eye-opener though i felt rather out of place :/ haha.
overheard some taitais saying that schumacher will be present at the event but he didn't show up. i so wanna take a photo with him and show it to you :) etchedin her mind @ 11:49 PM
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Friday, September 25, 2009
i miss having really restless days, ie. student life. it has been more than 2 years but i still miss those carefree days... full of freedom, lots of time, especially the part where i can buy an air ticket today and fly off tomorrow! today was such a restless day for me - zero accomplishment (and not feeling even a tinge remorse or guilt yet), but happy :)
ramen lunch at central was really good :) YUMMY! the premium char siew (fats) simply melts in your mouth, even though it's really sinful. up next was desserts. swensens has a new ice-cream flavour - strawberry sherbet, but lime sherbet will always be my favourite :)
dropped by ssc to do some admin stuffs before going over to the hair salon to buy shampoo for bff and myself. i had an impromptu haircut! loving it so far though short hair makes me look more mature :s
hmmm oh yeah, since i was on leave today, i stayed at home to wait for the delivery of my lights :)
only the box containing my room light has this warning note stuck outside!
freezy and my room light
i think i'm gonna call it my 'bottega' light since its price tag is enough to buy myself a bottega wallet and i will even get some change back! i really like the light, its design, its elegant prints, the part where it goes 'cling cling' each time when i tap on its glass material.
not sure how the rest of the night will go. hopefully not too much tv... :p dinner time! :) etchedin her mind @ 7:01 PM
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Sunday, September 20, 2009
is it possible to feel guilty but you don't exactly regret? :/
this is how i feel now, for the room and toilet lights that i bought yesterday, which is enough to buy myself a nice bag... :/
i realize i can be rather over-indulgent sometimes... :/
note to self: WATCH YOUR SPENDING!!! etchedin her mind @ 9:26 PM
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Saturday, September 19, 2009
"the world is a better place but the people are still not happy."
i'm guilty of being one of the those people (at that time). it simply says that humans are just not contented and unappreciative of what they have. sometimes we bring unhappiness upon ourselves for over-emphasizing on the micro aspects of life and overlooking the macro aspects which we have.
something which happened yesterday made me feel really unappreciated. i guess sometimes we are bound to meet people who are just plain difficult and anal, who complain about every single thing under the sun, who unwittingly make others feel lousy. but i've come to realize that people who complain alot are actually the unhappy bunch. the same thing which happened yesterday made me understand why my family members would say the food either bought or cooked by another family member which wasn't exactly yummy was yummy, even though we all knew that the food's standard was probably only fair? i figured it is all about being appreciative, to recognize the effort made, rather than to pass nasty comments about the end product.
back the point on being happy, 'think bliss' to be 'in bliss'! :) etchedin her mind @ 1:44 PM
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Friday, September 18, 2009
100!
*stolen from k's blog*
1) are you in a relationship with somebody? *beams*
2) do you hate more than 3 people? i don't think so.
3) how many houses have you lived in? hmmm apparently i stayed at marine terrace when i was an infant, stayed at my grandma's tanjong rhu house (already torn down) when my parents went edinburgh for a year, before settling down at the current place :)
4) favourite candy bar? twirl :)
5) favourite shoes? i don't have a favourite pair of shoes but i like wearing my jellies - black flats from peddar red and chanel slippers with pretty camelia flower :)
6) have you ever tripped someone? yes but it wasn't deliberate.
7) least favourite school subject? geography!
8) missing question
9) do you own a britney spears CD? nope.
10) have you ever thrown up in public? yeah... :s (you must be thinking of THAT night!)
11) name one thing that is always on your mind. what to eat?
12) favourite genre of music? i can't decide between house and MAMBO JUMBO :)
13) what is your zodiac sign? i consider myself a leo :)
14) what time were you born? 1517h
15) do you like beer? only asahi :)
16) ever made a prank phone call? of course not!
17) what is the most embarrassing CD you own? hmmm spice girls?
18) are you sarcastic? i guess i am... sometimes...
19) what are your favorite colors? red is my favourite colour :)
20) how many watches do you own? none at the moment, would love to own a snowflakes in future :p
21) summer or winter? winter :)
23) favourite color to wear? black!
24) pepsi or sprite? I WOULD LOVE A DAILY DOSAGE OF COKE :)
25) what color is your cell phone? black...
26) where is your second home? i don't have one but i think i spend most of my time in office leh :/
27) have you ever slapped someone? don't think so?
28) have you ever had a cavity? yup :(
29) how many lamps are in your bedroom? hmmm none at the moment.
30) how many video games do you own? none.
31) what was your first pet? i can't really remember... but my first dog was named mickey, a mixed breed puppy which was with me for only 2 weeks :(
32) ever had braces? yes...
33) do looks matter? to some extent but i think hygiene is more important? :)
34) do you use chap stick? everyday! it's part of my daily regime.
35) name 3 teachers from high school. 1) mr yazeed 2) my chua 3) tan bee bee (because of her interesting name and huge mole :x)
36) american eagle or abercombie? a&f
37) are you too forgiving? i try to be... but i can't forget.
38) how many children do you want? maybe 2?
39) do you own something from hot topic? don't think so.
40) favourite breakfast meal? kaya toast with half boiled eggs :)
41) do you own a gun? of course not! it's illegal!
42) ever thought you were in love? yes.
43) when was the last time you cried? 2 days ago over dinner.
44) what did you do 3 nights ago? i cooked my own dinner :)
45) olive garden? boll weevil? ???
46) have you ever called your teacher mommy? TSK TSK TSK of course not.
47) have you ever been in a castle? nope...
48) nicknames? no comments.
49) do you know anyone named bertha? hahaha berthany whom i've not met.
50) ever been to kentucky? nope.
51) do you own something from banana republic? honestly i don't...
52) are you thinking about somebody right now? yeah.
53) have you ever called someone boo? nope.
55) do you own a diamond ring? would love to :)
56) are you happy with your life right now? hmmm...
57) do you dye your hair? nope.
58) does anyone like you? don't think so.
59) what year were you born? 1985
60) what were you doing in may of 1994? i was probably running around with ij uniform and mugging.
61) do you own a backstreet boys CD? actually i do... i thought nick carter was so gorgeous then!
62) mcdonalds or wendys? mos burger.
63) do you like yourself? most of the time.
64) are you closer to your mother or father? mum :)
65) favourite physical feature of the preferred sex? small moles near the mouth area :x
66) are you afraid of the dark? sometimes.
67) have you ever eaten paste? i like or ni :)
68) do you own a webcam? yup.
69) have you ever stripped? :p
70) ever broke a bone? only an elbow fracture?
71) missing question
72) do you chat on AIM often? hmmm.
73) pringles or lays? kettle's honey dijon please :)
74) have you ever broken someone's heart? i guess i did and if i did, it wasn't on purpose.
75) rugrats or doug? i'm clueless.
76) full house or the brady bunch? full house if it's the korean drama serial.
77) did you like your high school guidance counselor? nope.
78) has anyone ever called you fat? ya my mum!
79) do you have a birth mark? nope.
80) do you own a car? yup.
81) can you cook? i want to learn cooking...
82) 3 things that annoy you. i get annoyed easily so i can only compile a list man!
83) do you text message often? yes!!!!
84) money or love? love.
85) do you have any scars? yes and i brought it upon myself.
86) what do you want more than anything right now? well if you know, you know.
87) do you enjoy scary movies? i hate watching scary movies.
88) relationships or one night stands? i wish to be taken seriously.
89) big red or juicy fruit? huh???
90) do you enjoy greasy food? i love or lua without the lua and black fried carrot cake!
91) have you seen all the rocky movies? not even once.
92) do you own a box of crayons? only a box of colour pencils.
93) missing question
94) who was the last person that said they loved you? :)
95) who was the last person that made you mad? someone at work.
96) who was the last person that made you cry? i don't want to talk about it.
97) who was the last person that made you laugh? honestly the last person who made me laugh my heart out was jacky! his yong tau 'foo' joke.
98) who was the last person that you fell for? it's the same person i'm still in love with! :p
99) who was the last person that instant messaged you? nobody leh. it's friday night and everybody is out.
100) who was the last person that called you? him :)
the above took so longggggg :/ etchedin her mind @ 11:15 PM
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Thursday, September 17, 2009
it was nice talking about the future with everything in place, just the way we hope it will be. somehow this conversation lifted my spirits from that stormy sea of blues and i feel there is so much hope out there. "stay positive," i tell myself... though we know very well, the journey won't be a smooth-sailing one.
得来不易的东西更要珍惜 :) etchedin her mind @ 12:42 AM
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Monday, September 14, 2009
"so i revisit my past life, scene by scene; there is an elm tree, and there lies percival. for ever and ever, i swore. then darted about the usual doubt. i clutched your hand. you left me. the desent into the tube was like death. we were cut up by all those faces and the hollow wind that seemed to roar down there over desert boulders. i sat staring in my own room. by five i knew you were faithless. i snatched the telephone and the buzz buzz buzz of its stupid voice in your empty room battered my heart down, when the door opened and there you stood. that was the most perfect of our meetings. but these meetings, these partings, finally destroy us."
-virginia woolf "the waves"
etchedin her mind @ 3:27 PM
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about me*
24. female. singapore.
loves dogs and most (but not all) animals, stars, clovers and incredibly sweet fruity scents. enjoys good food, sinful desserts (basically anything sweet), retail therapy, pampering sessions, mahjong, music, movies and tons of me-time.
BRONTO still makes my heart flutter :)
"as we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to let you down probably will. you will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder everytime.
you'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. you'll fight with your best friend. you'll blame a new love for things an old love did.
you'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love.
so take too many photos, laugh too much and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back."
wishlist*
lone ranger trip
more time with you :)
visit somewhere that has lots of clovers and greens
